“Get rid of my messy beard?!” you scoff, amused at the idea that your manly mane need be anything more than… there. And we can’t blame you. You’ve taken the major step of growing that thing out in the first place. More than you can say for the clean-shaven, goody-two shoe skin boys of the world. (Can skin boys be a derogatory term for dudes without beards? Let’s see if it takes off). You’ve harnessed the power of millenia of beard growing amongst the manliest of the men! You’ve carried on the tradition of the alphas! Do you really think the strongest caveman gave a shit if his beard was a little out of place?
No, we don’t think that. But that dude was also up against lions and wolves and a thousand terrifying things trying to kill him every day. He had (literally) bigger fish to fry. And us beardsmen today… well let’s face it, the modern world certainly has its own problems, but we’ve got it a little easier than ol’ cavebro. Which means we have opportunity. The opportunity to spend a little extra time and care on our facial hair, to rock that alpha mane with a modern sensibility. So what do you say we give it a try? Listen up now- it won’t kill you.
Step one of Operation Modern Alpha (incredible mission name, we know)
Start at the source! We don’t want to sound like a broken record here, but there’s a reason we keep harping on your beard being all about what lies beneath. You gotta take care of those roots, bro. And the skin they grow from. So if you’ve been with us long enough, you probably know damn well where this is headed…
BEARD OIL! It always starts with beard oil doesn’t it? The Alpha and Omega of your alpha facial display. You simply must be using this stuff every day if you want your beard to thrive. Keep it hydrated, keep it tidy. Dry, brittle facial hair is impossible to keep in line- it’ll crack and flare out in every direction. Like trying to comb a cactus, really. Beard oil will knock that problem out straight away. Hydrated hair is manageable hair.
Step two: step up your game
Your hair is hydrated. Well done, sir. But you ain’t done yet. Sure, a simple comb (did we mention we make a great one?) will do for a quick fix to get things in line here and there. But for the ultimate control over your unruly mane? And this is about control, don’t forget- we are alphas, we establish dominance. For that ULTIMATE “tell your beard to get the hell in line” power move, you’re gonna need to turn up the heat. Specifically, you’re going to use the Aberlite Pro Beard Straightener to get your hairs in order using the power of heat straightening. Use the Aberlite Shield Beard Heat Protectant Spray beforehand for bonus baller beard points.
The benefits of heat straightening go beyond just a neat appearance. It can actually make your beard fuller, softer, and all-around healthier. Only the strong survive in this modern jungle, and that goes for beards too. In this case, “not surviving” means just having such a shitty, mangled, brittle beard that you give up all together and shave the whole thing off. Which, honestly, is a fate worse than death. So use that beard straightener!
Step three: the finishing touches
Your beard is now fuller, neater, stronger. And we gotta say, it’s looking pretty damn good. Now it’s time to top it all off with a little stylistic flair. Get that bad boy shaped and styled and kept to your very own exacting specifications with the Aberlite Trim. The three cutting elements and four trimming guards give you a wide range of options on length and style. And the precision steel blades allow you to get even the tiniest details just right. Try the ClearShaper Beard Shaping Tool for extra control while you're at it. And we’ve officially come a long way from the caveman days.
Step four: maintain, maintain, maintain
Congratulations man! You’ve done it! You’ve stepped into the 21st century and conquered your messy beard like a boss. You’re still giving off those alpha vibes, but with a little touch of, dare we say… sophistication? Hot damn, that’s a powerful combination. But we can’t be caught slipping now. There’s a few more everyday maintenance tips we can use to stay on top of the food chain:
Comb, brush, trim. You may not want or need to heat-straighten your beard every day (in fact, we designed it so you won’t need to). But something you should do everyday to keep your beard in line is some combination of combing and brushing. Lucky for you, we packed them together in this brush kit. The boar bristle comb will easily knock out flakes of dead skin while straightening out your beard, and the sandalwood comb will allow you to dig in that much deeper. As a bonus, the stainless steel scissors are included to snip away any stubborn flyaways.
Keep it clean. Washing and conditioning with the proper beard products goes a looong way toward keeping your beard looking its best. Not only will you keep the nastiness of day to day life out of your facial hair, but you’ll be keeping it hydrated too. And we don’t have to tell you again how important that is.
And the ultimate finishing touch: beard balm. The essential oils in our immaculate blend will (say it with us now) hydrate your facial hair while also allowing you to style it in place with a slight hold. Brush or comb it in for maximum effectiveness. Proceed to dominate the day.
And there you have it! Operation Modern Alpha is a go!
See? We told you it wouldn’t be so bad. With just these four easy steps, you can get any unruly caveman beard under control. So you can wear your modern man mane with pride. And never, ever, think about shaving it off.